Welcome to the exhilarating and sometimes frustrating life of a DBA. We share hilarious tweets about the life of a DBA:
1. OK, so I’m just a little angry…
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/983737188084015104
Having a quiet chat with an analyst who was discovered running ad-hoc queries against production database generating billions of physical reads, during business hours. HT @venzann https://t.co/L5sRxV5Wtj pic.twitter.com/E8cCXcUYfi
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 10, 2018
2. Wait, did I just hear what you said?!
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/983412555870810112
When you find an old disabled scheduled task that used to create every index in the Missing Index DMV on a Daily basis. https://t.co/KK605acP4m pic.twitter.com/OWOBafz83D
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 9, 2018
3. Aha! So this is what it’s like to go crazy..
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/981924976570896384
Trying to remember how to code in VBA for MS Access in order to fix a department’s reports that broke when we moved the tables to SQL Server. (HT SQLprincess) https://t.co/oqUa9WDohR pic.twitter.com/5woi7gDpy9
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 5, 2018
4. We’re going to party like it’s 2099!
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/981887325906104320
When I finally finish writing several complicated database stored procedures for a specific process that took me almost a year to write. (HT SQLprincess) https://t.co/D55Ma21t3N pic.twitter.com/VIo8ayoX3J
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 5, 2018
5. Well, thanks, but I think I’ll be on my way … NOW!
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/975077381944807424
“Why yes, we’d love to have you as our DBA… but you’ll also have to be our primary DevOps… and handle customer support… and debug our web applications… sound good?” https://t.co/C4mVUx3sFu pic.twitter.com/o95uemQzCm
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) March 17, 2018
6. **loses remaining sanity**
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/973628045360758785
When 4 people on your 7 person IT team resign within a week and the other two are on vacation and you’re left holding the bag… https://t.co/tPyydyUxe1 pic.twitter.com/70Ndops3ar
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) March 13, 2018
7. Don’t stop! I’ll have it fixed in a second!
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/980761603858665473
Fixing bugs after go live #Programming #programmer #Java #dba #Oracle #Database pic.twitter.com/2YucnRH4yY
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) April 2, 2018
8. Anyone who says that the body is made up mostly of water doesn’t know a programmer.
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/937445113441214469
Normal #People vs #Programmer #Programming #Code #tech #technology #ProgrammersHumor #lifestyle pic.twitter.com/QKkYqbMvhI
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) December 3, 2017
9. Meaning I, too, am a real DBA.
https://twitter.com/sqlstudent144/status/935576742399537153
OH: You aren't a real DBA until you've brought down the system.
— Kenneth Fisher (@_@) (@sqlstudent144) November 28, 2017
10. Disaster plan? Sure. Yeah. Mmhmm. We have a disaster plan.
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/890673432295243777
Does Anybody have such #Disaster #Recovery Plan :D #DBA #Databaseadministrator #Database #sysadmin #Oracle #SQLServer #Teradata #DB2 #MySQL pic.twitter.com/Sg7iYtDBWp
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) July 27, 2017
11. So, that explains the *~Cloud~*.
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/888041023506698243
#Amazon #Google #Microsoft #Oracle #AmazonCloud #AWS #Azure #oraclecloud pic.twitter.com/tvjuxop5cc
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) July 20, 2017
12. Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of this..
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/983374956313612288
When the Developers walk over and say they
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 9, 2018
have normalized the new db structure from 5 (logical)
tables to 15 (irrational, defy clear logic) tables,
and you are the only support https://t.co/Mh50MBYmm2 pic.twitter.com/Ljb8yA0RFC
13. UGGGGHHHHHHH
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/983337121292472321
When I spend most of my week fixing MS Access applications https://t.co/rvmKKXFKzY pic.twitter.com/QSmR352Zsm
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 9, 2018
14. And that’s why I don’t sleep.
https://twitter.com/prufrockluvsong/status/979883434712674304
awake brain: I got nuthin
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 31, 2018
in bed brain: here's an alphabetized list of witty yet untimely comebacks, a pie chart of the past 28 bad decisions, and a montage of 46 tweet ideas
15. So, that’s how they keep wages in check..
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/890932321553199108
Motivation strategies on casual #Friday .. Have a nice #weekend everyone :) #Stockholm #Sweden #Motivation pic.twitter.com/2b0HQMOnN3
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) July 28, 2017
16. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/972958684669243394
#programmers #ProgrammersHumor #Coder #Java #Microsoft #Programming #programminglanguage pic.twitter.com/9tDWA2MO0l
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) March 11, 2018
17. Evolution at its finest.
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/935987307047542785
#computer #tech #cartoon #Science #Engineer #innovation #business #IT #windows #Intel #SiliconValley pic.twitter.com/9t7KzvJxKw
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) November 29, 2017
18. no no no no no no
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/889396703471833088
What Just Happend! Its #Monday .. Have a good #week! :) #Stockholm #Sweden #Bangladesh #Europe #Dhaka pic.twitter.com/6DIuEagyAB
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) July 24, 2017
19. Best of luck with that.
https://twitter.com/dba_reactions/status/985549125323296768
When you’re waiting on others to finish your database... #devops pic.twitter.com/lR7rEN7d4j
— dbareactions (@dba_reactions) April 15, 2018
20. WHICH ONE?!
https://twitter.com/MrLovenstein/status/908716803316207616
Make up your mind.
— J. L. Westover (@MrLovenstein) September 15, 2017
Secret Panel HERE 💭 https://t.co/Oer9KEWZNi pic.twitter.com/I3ycbllKhJ
21. 🆗 🆘
https://twitter.com/DBAReactions/status/985148506762567680
When the support guy at the co-location reboots your production server by mistake! https://t.co/HFn9wb3CIu pic.twitter.com/rLG9mje4Md
— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 14, 2018
22. The only way anything gets written.
https://twitter.com/PHDcomics/status/969295517569003521
Honest acknowledgement https://t.co/pY0fCVIsld pic.twitter.com/doHXfGcaJW
— PHD Comics (@PHDcomics) March 1, 2018
23. And isn’t it beautiful...
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/932389411068743680
#monday #work #Stockholm #Sweden #Jobs pic.twitter.com/KuIZYnZ60T
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) November 19, 2017
24. Celebrating the best time of year
https://twitter.com/DesertDBA/status/983785545804406784
Sometimes, when things go very wrong, the SQL Agent job history looks like Christmas lights. pic.twitter.com/N3Y7mZmKva
— Jeff Iannucci (@DesertDBA) April 10, 2018
25. Just saying. You asked.
https://twitter.com/iamnhuda/status/932687844799401984
#Engineering #Engineer #cartoon #STHLMTech #Stockholm #sthlminnovation #technology #Tech #Sweden #interview pic.twitter.com/SwDni3c8Yl
— Nazmul, DBA (@iamnhuda) November 20, 2017
Shoutout to DBA Reactions, Nazmul DBA, Jeff Iannucci, and Kenneth Fisher for their genius tweets on these posts. We can relate.
And now you should feel energized to start some SQL Server optimization again. Avoid firefighting – learn more about the best database monitoring platform and become a DBA hero:
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