Welcome to the exhilarating and sometimes frustrating life of a DBA.
1. OK, so I’m just a little angry…
Having a quiet chat with an analyst who was discovered running ad-hoc queries against production database generating billions of physical reads, during business hours. HT @venzann https://t.co/L5sRxV5Wtj pic.twitter.com/E8cCXcUYfi— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 10, 2018
2. Wait, did I just hear what you said?!
3. Aha! So this is what it’s like to go crazy..
Trying to remember how to code in VBA for MS Access in order to fix a department’s reports that broke when we moved the tables to SQL Server. (HT SQLprincess) https://t.co/oqUa9WDohR pic.twitter.com/5woi7gDpy9— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 5, 2018
4. We’re going to party like it’s 2099!
When I finally finish writing several complicated database stored procedures for a specific process that took me almost a year to write. (HT SQLprincess) https://t.co/D55Ma21t3N pic.twitter.com/VIo8ayoX3J— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 5, 2018
5. Well, thanks, but I think I’ll be on my way … NOW!
“Why yes, we’d love to have you as our DBA… but you’ll also have to be our primary DevOps… and handle customer support… and debug our web applications… sound good?” https://t.co/C4mVUx3sFu pic.twitter.com/o95uemQzCm— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) March 17, 2018
6. **loses remaining sanity**
7. Don’t stop! I’ll have it fixed in a second!
8. Anyone who says that the body is made up mostly of water doesn’t know a programmer.
9. Meaning I, too, am a real DBA.
OH: You aren't a real DBA until you've brought down the system.— Kenneth Fisher (@_@) (@sqlstudent144) November 28, 2017
10. Disaster plan? Sure. Yeah. Mmhmm. We have a disaster plan.
11. So, that explains the *~Cloud~*.
12. Hmmm, I don’t like the sound of this..
When the Developers walk over and say they— DBA Reactions (@DBAReactions) April 9, 2018
have normalized the new db structure from 5 (logical)
tables to 15 (irrational, defy clear logic) tables,
and you are the only support https://t.co/Mh50MBYmm2 pic.twitter.com/Ljb8yA0RFC
14. And that’s why I don’t sleep.
awake brain: I got nuthin— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) March 31, 2018
in bed brain: here's an alphabetized list of witty yet untimely comebacks, a pie chart of the past 28 bad decisions, and a montage of 46 tweet ideas
15. So, that’s how they keep wages in check..
17. Evolution at its finest.
18. no no no no no no
19. Best of luck with that.
20. WHICH ONE?!
21. 🆗 🆘
22. The only way anything gets written.
23. And isn’t it beautiful..
24. Celebrating the best time of year
Sometimes, when things go very wrong, the SQL Agent job history looks like Christmas lights. pic.twitter.com/N3Y7mZmKva— Jeff Iannucci (@DesertDBA) April 10, 2018
25. Just saying. You asked.
And now you should feel energized to start some SQL Server optimization again. Avoid firefighting – learn more about the best database monitoring platform available: